I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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