Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
