She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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