can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
