The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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