The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
a search helicopter?!
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
