Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
