so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
