Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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