Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
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