Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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