If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he shaved USA in his pubs
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
my poor anus
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
