She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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