You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
it hurts more in the daytime
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
