I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
