I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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