Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
