So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
