new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
