He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
