She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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