No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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