You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
