Do you still have your period?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Randomize
