It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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