and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
