2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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