If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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