I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
