Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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