No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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