ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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