ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
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