So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
need another drink. this is the easiest way
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
