my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
