I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
