dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
