there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
How external is "for external use only"?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
