it was like his penis was on wheels.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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