come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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