she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
