It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
