i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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