someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
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Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
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Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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