An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
