Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
