wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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