farters have to be the big spoon...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize