Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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