Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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