Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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