i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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