i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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