I'm going to jail i love you
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We need to get me chipped asap
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
