Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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