Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
