Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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