Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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