i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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