she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
