you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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