You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
