I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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