and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
