You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
