You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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