ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
