you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
