I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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