remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
