Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
