it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
