sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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