no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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